when the heart beats the pulse quickens

This past week has been busy and eventful as Brooke and I adjust to living back in the city.  Last Tuesday we moved for the eighth time in under a year and a half.  With all of this nomadic living we are becoming much better at living simply and holding onto mostly only what we need.  It only took about two trips in a friends Blazer to get everything from one place to the next this time.  This move is different in two regards though.  First, we our house-sitting for some friends who are out of the country for four months which means we are living in a house by ourselves for the first time in quite awhile.  Second, since we have been back in the States we have lived in the West County suburbs of St. Louis, this move places us back into the city itself.  

Being alone in a home for the first time in a long time definitely has its upsides.  Brooke and I have a lot of alone time which is always nice and I can make my morning coffee in my boxers if I feel like it.  However, while being on our own again is nice I've discovered that out of the two differences in this move, I appreciate this one less.  We have greatly enjoyed the two families we've lived with over the past year and a half.  It has been wonderful to get to know them both more closely and intimately.  There is something to be said about living in close community with others and how it shapes your soul.  Love for one another is proven when you see their daily weaknesses, failures, and eccentricities; and they see yours just as clearly, yet at the end of the day you accept each other for who you are, blemishes and all.  We are grateful to these families not only for supporting and encouraging us, but also for tangibly loving us in their acceptance of us as weak and broken people.  The ministry we are planning to do will be one where these practical lessons on community living will be invaluable.   

I mentioned above that having our own place for awhile was the difference of this move that I appreciated less.  The fact is I value being back in the city much more.  The house  we are staying in and looking after is one block south of the Delmar Loop in University City.  Since moving to St. Louis almost six years ago this part of the city has always been one of our favorites and we now have the privilege of living here.  There's something more though.  It's not just that we get to live in a cool part of the city that has made this move great, it's that I feel like something inside of me has come back to life. The day I moved our stuff into the house, and even the night before when we had dinner with the owners for last minute instructions, I began to feel peculiar.  I even felt lighter in a sense.  This feeling of peculiarity hasn't stopped since.  As I was talking with Brooke about it several days ago I realized that moving back into the city has simply made me happy, and as some of you know simple happiness is something precious and amazing.  

There are practical reasons for this happiness.  I am within walking distance to almost anything I need.  The bank and post office are literally two blocks away.  Great restaurants abound in this area.  My favorite independent music store is a five minute walk away while a great coffee shop is a ten minute walk away along with a classic movie theatre.  In addition to this we are closer to some friends who we've already found it easier to connect with.  Beyond all of this though there are profound spiritual reasons for my happiness.  We are called to the city.  God has wired me in such a way that my heart stirs at the vibrancy and life that are found here.  He stirs up my compassion in profound ways when I see clearly the brokeness and fragmentation of the city.  My heart beats stronger when I live in the city and my pulse races at the excitement and opportunity for interaction and service which are easily found there.

My joy at being back in the city brings some sadness with it though.  The sadness is due to the fact that I long for another city.  While the Loop is an awesome place, and is much closer to in feel to where God is calling us, this is not the city to which my heart belongs.  Being here has accentuated the fact that we aren't where we want to be.  My heart longs to stroll through Ponsonby, to people watch on K-Road.  My legs long to ache after hiking up Queen St.  My face remembers and desires to feel again the sticky whip of salty air down at the harbour.  My eyes are eager to gaze out once more from the top of Mt. Eden over the city where my heart is.  Auckland awaits us with joy and sorrow, with triumph and trial, and we long to walk her streets and join in her life.