week 1

It seems impossible that it has already been a week since Sophia was born, and yet it has been. The last 7 days have been a bit of a blur filled with moments that we will remember for the rest of our lives. Besides being a huge blessing to Brooke and I Sophia has made my blog a much more popular place to visit on the web than it was a week ago. Many of you are dying to see some new pictures so I've added some. However, just so you know, I'm probably not going to be putting them up all the time. I think one thing I want to do is put up at least one picture of her every Thursday for the next 51 weeks. I think it will be cool to track her growth visually and to be able to go back and show her some day how much and how quickly she grew. Other than this my guess is that what you will find here will be my usually types of blog posts (which means posts on topics as random as my thoughts). Once we get back to Auckland (in 56 days!!!) Brooke will likely start updating her blog again and you might be able to find pictures of Sophia there on a more regular basis.

With all of that said, here are a few of my observations and epiphanies from the first week of experienced fatherhood. I say "experienced" because I have technically been a father for 9 months. Sophia has been an individual person since the time she was conceived, we've simply had the privilege of getting to know her the last few days. Anyway, here are my thoughts, some of which are painfully obvious, but whatever:
- Parenting a newborn is non-stop, hard work (duh); but I think I like waking up in the middle of the night to take care of her when she's crying better than I'm going like sitting up late wondering where she is and how she's doing.

- In general I wrestle against cynicism. For the last 7 days though whenever I look into my daughter's eyes I have realized that I have absolutely no cynicism about her. I know she is a sinner like every other human, and though she is a child of the promise she will struggle with her own brokeness and depravity. Yet, when I see her I only have joy and hope for her. The cynical beast that assails my heart in so many other areas has not been able to touch my view of my daughter.

- Watching my wife go through the process of labor and delivery, and watching her nurse and care for our child has caused my love for her to surge to deeper levels. I loved and respected her before. I'm awestruck by her now. She is amazing.

- I didn't anticipate the wave of protectiveness that has come over me. I have had a couple of moments where I have known without a doubt that I would give up my life for Sophia. Moments where I knew if someone tried to hurt her I would simply destroy them. Love truly is stronger than death. While I obviously think there is something good about this protectiveness there also is the danger of being overprotective. In my years of working with youth I have seen many parents who have turned their children into idols and ultimately end up "protecting" them from fellowship with the Father. I owe God my love and allegiance before all things. Indeed, I will serve, love, and protect Sophia properly only if these things flow out of my love for God. She comes before me, but he comes before everything.

- Following from the last observation, I must always remember that Sophia is the Lord's before she is ours. His plan for her is better than anything I can imagine or dare to dream. When she is older I must be vigilant not to shelter her from things he may bring into her life to mature her and deepen her character. I must learn to trust him more and be at peace with what he chooses to do in and through her.

- Being a father has opened my eyes in a new way to the love and care of my Father in heaven. Just as our work of taking care of Sophia is non-stop, so is his care and provision for us. Just as we find ourselves thinking constantly about what needs to be done next to ensure that she has what she needs, so too God is constantly working in advance for our good. While we lose some sleep being parents, he never slumbers or sleeps and is constantly watching over us. Amazing.